As part of the residency here at The South Bank on each day I send a poem to all the workers of The South Bank. This includes the construction workers, the security guards, the administrators, the cleaners and the other artists. Here is one of the postings. Though not a poem more a recipe found a while ago I posted it to Jamie Byng of Canongate Books. Mr Byng put the recipe on the canongate website as “Lemn Sissay’s Antidote to Winter Blues”. That was a few years ago. I can’t think of a better time to share it with you.
CHRISTMAS CAKE DIRECTIONS
1 cup of water
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 bottle vodka
2 cups of dried fruit
– Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
– Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
– Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure
the vodka is shtill OK.
– Try another cup … just in case. Turn off the mixerer.Break 2 leggs and add
to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
– Pick fruit off floor.
– Mix on the turner.
– If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a
– Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
– Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a shit.
– Check the vodka.
– Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.
– Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
– Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.
– Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat
off the turner.
– Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the
Fall into bed.