I had to chart it – The turbulence – cause it comes at unexpected times. The storm always follows the turbulence, and the storm lasts for months. This has been happening for years.
One moment I’m walking the pavement like any other morning and the next I’m swept on the rapids into the road; I’m crashing into the bus stops and lamp posts like a pin ball. Meanwhile the sound track is storm and traffic and half sentences of passing conversations of passers by and rasps of magpie searching for each other. Then
thousands of single magpies peel from the dark clouds and dive at me from the trees.
KRAAAA KRAAA KRAAAA KRAAAA KRAAAA KRAAAA KRAAA KRAAAK KRAAAA.
Run! The wind lashes with such the force that I am lifted from the ground and thrown – I grab onto a bus stop my legs horizontal to my body. A black distressed flag. I mouth the words “help” but the wind assaults words and I am left gulping.
Senses are stifled and the one for humour runs away like a loon. Must get back home. My mind is races because it’s the only place to go when you lose your voice, the mind. Must get back home. I struggle to eventually get vertical and then walk buffeted by the winds at a forty degree angle head forward back to the apartment cause nobody in their right
mind would go out in this weather. As the door slams The letter box rattles and the phone rings. I’m inside. I can’t answer the phone in case it is the storm. I can’t write clearly because of the storm.
Here’s the thing. The storm that began on January 20th ended on (yesterday) I
write this blog to assist memory. I woke up on Monday morning and there it was,
gone. I open the front door and hear the birds on the park. I walk the street and see lovers loving. I listen to my ipod and I’m in the music. It’s not bi polar. I call my friends and hear them clearly. I listen to others and experience the beauty of clarity. I see
clearer.It is a very cery close friend who ahs encouraged and helped me at my request. It’s like being saved.It is being saved, from myself. I’m trying to go to a meeting a day. I went to the first meeting on Monday. And I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to stand up in front of those strangers each day and say My names Lemn and…