Forget the reasons. Here’s what it is. It is the fear of meeting someone who
recognises me; friend , acquaintance, colleague, shopkeeper
family or mirror. The thought of eye contact with any of them
sends a strike to the core. I am not sure
Jean Paul Sartre had depression
in mind but “Hell is
other people” typifies the
anti-social modus operandi. Not that “other people” are to blame. If hell is other people then heaven should be
total isolation shouldn’t it?
To justify isolation gorge on destructive debilitating thoughts that
will render an inability to face anyone
at anytime, the horror of it. The perverse need to break off all
relationships is both selfish and
selfless. Selfless because it is a way to shield other people from the darkness. Selfish because the darkness is all mine.
Where is this behaviour leading. After cradling these thoughts tonight I found
myself surrounded by television cameras and technicians, sat on a couch facing Clive Anderson for an
hour’s television show on sky arts. The
studio is built outside of the fourth plinth on Trafalgar square in the
pulsating heart of London.
I watch the technicians count down and then were live on air.
Wishing you well Lemn – you're an inspiration to me and the kids I teach!
Darren
Highs and lows. Highs and lows.
Rachel
x
You sum it up perfectly! That's just how it feels. Depression is so debilitating and can literally incarcerate you, your own mind and soul become a prison where you torture yourself, it's pain turned inwards, anger turned in, it does come from real stuff though, and it's this stuff we need to get beyond somehow, one day at a time, moment by moment.
Wishing you joy Lemn and peace. YOu inspire me and lift me up more than you can know, you're a rare spirit! Love Mary.
so – how did you cope or did you panic for a millisecond and then you're ON and your star shines bright for all the world to see! The depression description is brilliant as those in the no know!