Every three months since the day I was born and for the subsequent 18 years my every movement was recorded. As my friend Jenni Fagan wrote in Panopticon “I was an experiment”. I received the files two years ago. I approached a lawyer and we began proceedings against The Social Services.
Part of the process of proceedings is to undergo a grueling psychological assessment of my life. A few weeks ago I received The Psychologists report from my lawyer. He wrote “it brought me to tears”. I was advised not to look at it alone. So on 30th April at 6pm at The Royal Court Theatre Julie Hesmondhalgh will read it to me on stage where I will hear it for the first time along with the audience. The tickets went live last night. I’ve hardly slept.
The files expose the institutionalized voyeurism which was dependent on isolating the child and making them feel they should never speak of their experience in adult life. This event at The Royal Court tears down the walls of the padded cell – there was a padded cell in one of my children’s homes. What if the person in that cell knew the walls would come down one day? I am the evidence. I must speak? It is pure Salander.
The reader of the report at the royal court is a brilliant woman and a great actor: Julie Hesmondhalgh. We will both be on stage. I trust her on a personal level, a political level and on a professional level. The director is John McGrath. The theatre was made possible by Vicky Featherstone. The piece is produced by Sarah Sansom. They are the only people who have read the report. I have not. I will hear it when you hear it. 30th April at 6pm at The Royal Court and the truth is I am scared. But I am doing this.