The Mad Knight of Rajasthan.

The final two days are spent here picture below  at The Neemrana Fort Palace three hours drive from Delhi on the edge of Rajasthan.   The palace was built in 1464. There are forty five rooms in total.  At the end of two weeks working away from home it was the perfect wind down.  Except at night – there really were winding candle lit stone steps up to our rooms and the wind really did howl  and batter the room in the turret like a bitter banshee. Mist descended upon the hillside and enveloped the fort as the storm came. The windows really did rattle as  packs of wild boars squeeled. The lights really did flicker.

At night I dreamt that I was actually a knight, a singular slightly mad black knight,  defending my castle from marauding hoards of  tourists who were demanding to know the secret path to The City of Authenti. “Give us the map or we will eat you” they screamed and chanted “eat you eat you”. They were blood thirsty, rabid and wore  moccasins, and had beards and were white.  I screamed from the fortress into the storm  ” I do not have the map. There is no Authenti. It is a myth. It is not here and yet it is everywhere. If you can not see it  now you will never see it”.

“don’t give us that eastern wisdom logic tourist guide bullcrap” one of them shouted “give us the map to authenti or die”. In their great  quest they try to google the city  on  mobile phones but there is no reception on the hillside and so what became known as The Great Battenburg War  ensued.  “Kill him” someone screamed  before giving two rupee to a local  “go on..  kill him”.

Fortunately I had locked the front doors but unfortunately I had left all my armoury on the outside. So I climbed the turets  and threw Pakoda and Bhaji at them. “See” they screamed “this is authentic”.  I then poured hot tea over them “tea” they screamed “authentic indian tea”.   After spearing a few of them with very really dry tandoori chicken I realised it was futile, opened the gates and set up hotel.



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