This is the number one theatre festival in Southern Africa. The closest comparison to the Grahamstown festival would be Edinburgh. And the story I am telling here is my life
story. It is called Something Dark and It is directed by John McGrath who is now the artistic director of The National Theatre of Wales. I am here with producer Gill Lloyd of Artsadmin and Technical Manager Anna Cole.
Since writing the play and performing it round Britian and the world my father’s side of the family, whom I spent my adult life in search of, have cut me off. I had known them less than five years and invited them to see the play in Vancouver, Canada. They decided not to come and the tale of the play gathered momentum within their familial structures. It all got a bit Salman Rushdie. You may find reference to all of this in the blog by using the blog search engine.
This twist in the tail drained the life out of me and I gave in. After reading various poison penned hate filled correspondences from brothers and sisters aunts and uncles from America I decided not to do the play again and told them as much. This was about two years ago. But they still refuse to speak to me. I had mentioned my mothers accusation and my fathers name. This was the horror for them. My father is dead, see. It is the truth as it presented itself. Now contact is vicious and sporadic. A year ago one of my sisters on Christmas eve sent me an email out of the blue. It read check your DNA! It was spiteful and calculated. All of this because of a play where I mention my mother’s accusation upon my father’s name and the incredible and debilitating effect it had upon me. I believe her. And I believe her for various specific and factual reasons.
My name Lemn means why. Lemn is an unusual name for Ethiopian’s as Why would be to the English. I have a letter dated 1968 where my mother says I want his (second) name to be Giday not Sissay. It is tradition that the child’s second name be the fathers first. Giday is my fathers first name. But because my mother was in England alone my second name became Sissay which is her second name. So I became Lemn Sissay whereas it should have been Lemn Giday…. Why Giday.
I received threats from an aunt who is head of gender studies (the irony of it) in an
American university. I know people she wrote. One brother from the states told me he was having me watched. And I saw the people at my poetry readings in England… The only time I have ever uncontrollably cried on stage was in the midst of this at The Queen Elizabeth Hall in October 2006 reading a poem called Mourning Breaks as I saw two Ethiopian men slouched arrogantly in the audience…
The irony is that Something Dark had toured for years up until then. It was also made
into a radio play and broadcast to the nation on The BBC. And the revelation/accusation had never been a secret from my fathers side of the family. I told them when I met them
– face to face. I was no longer going to be a secret. No-one commented and the more I knew my father the more I investigated my mother the more I knew it to be true. All this is less the fact of my name which was given to me when my mother was alone in another country in 1967. All this less the fact of my mother saying it in 1968 in print. I believe the woman. Take that to your gender studies.
So what of now? This is the first time I have done the play since then and to a sold out
audience at the greatest theatre festival in Southern Africa I decided to change his name. I could hear the audience behind the curtains. In an innocuous step I sprained my ankle. At least it felt like a sprain as pain shot through my foot. I was in agony. The music started and it was time to walk on stage. I tried not to hobble and to focus on the job. I walked to centre stage from stage right, turned and looked at the audience and just as I was about to speak the lights switched off. Perfect time to deliver the first line and it is a question. Dark? In darkness always comes the question where is the light?” The pain disappeared.
In rehearsal and in the play this evening a bat flew down from the rafters. It dived in and out of the stage lights castingshadows around me like dark ribbons at the end of a distant kite. It circled me and then disappeared – a spirit directed by an invisible kite runner. I walked off stage an hour and ten minutes later to a standing ovation in a country that
has its fair share of traumatic stories of conflict and resolution. I am therefore honoured. The last lines of the play resonated in my head as I stood in the mirror of the dressing room Secrets are the stones that sink the boat. Take them out. Look at them. Throw them out and… float.
I was in the audience that evening when you performed Something Dark at Grahamstown – the evening of the bat – it was obvious that the bat was not meant to be there, but it kind of added to the theatre of the piece. It was as if you were being encircled by something that lives in the dark which was, to me, quite compelling. It looked as if the bat was trying send you off-balance as it made a number of passes at you… I don't know if you were aware of the audience reaction… some worried murmurs and tense gasps around me… but you appeared to be unmoved and unaware of it. Interesting, I thought, this man cannot be diverted from his path. His determination is so strong!
It was good talking to you Lemn. I found you and your story inspirational.. and I have told three people about it.. not briefly but in as much detail as I could remember. They are all people who I wish could have watched your performance, as I think they would have taken a lot from it.
I was pleased to see so many young people in the audience… in this age (and I am generalising here) of not accepting responsibility for oneself and blaming anyone and everyone for one's shortcomings and lack of success in life, it was a shining example of the strength of the human spirit… I applaud you… keep doing it you brave, bold man!!
My best wishes for your time in Joburg. Hope to see you at Festival again next year!
Mary
many thanks Mary. Though you came on the second night (4th) whereas this blog pertains to the first night third.
The bat must be a resident in that spot, to have appeared on both nights!
I have another writer staying here now – you'd like her!! She wrote the play WIT – do you still have the Festival program?
Mary
hi Lemn
it's wonderful to read you after talking to you and watching you perform. I also had the hate mail and the cutting off by my adoptive family. my biological family remain comfortably out of focus. you are so brave Lemn. I still have not stood up and accused my adoptive parents with the righteous rage that you had – I somehow felt too indebted to them and I guess I put most of my energy into defusing the debilitating guilt that from time to time resurfaces when telling the story. but each performance is a new revelation, a next skin of healing. your words are divine and you are so, so generous. I hope to see you soon, travel safely and rest in love wherever you call home.
love from Phillippa Yaa
you are full of it Norman , you are still bulling people who are still paying to see you, you know how crideble you mother is she did not tell even your own brother your existance , did you belive that too ! i do not think so, you said you spend most of your adult life surching for your famliy ? you did wonderful job losing them? you herd one women who does't have a lot of truth and sell that story all over the world, you can get hip of money out of the untruth story but not happness.
Isn't it interesting that, when someone has something nasty to say, they don't put their name to it?! It is so easy to hide behind anonymity….
Mary Birt
You read lemn's amazing posts and this is what you respond with? You call him Norman but are too weak to leave your own name? No one owns anothers' story. Get over yourself. You are the bully, but i suspect you know that already.
As malachy McCourt says: “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Hannah Pool
Dear Hanna Pool. You and your man are simpletons. We know your type. Some of the reacton you illicitaed from your family was in direct porption to the your words and deeds, which we choose to keep away from this post. You are attention hawks who will sale their soul to Satan…. Just know that there is two sides to every story. Suffice to say, 'why' is not telling the whole story. Telling a lie again and again doesn't make it truth. The fact is he is unable to respect his elders, and his ancestors. When it came down to it, he want to pimp himself at any price. His salvation comes from him playing victim, and living his life as such. In Africa, know that some dead are actually alive and others are dead men walking – with no spirit. Not respecting your ancestors, and worst living off their worst moment, assuming Lemn's vindictive mother charges, is a worst sin as any African can tell you. The true Africa ancestor spirits never rest when they are accused wrongly, and blasphemed all over the world. They have way of exacting things for proper ending. The bat was no accident – Lemn will get what is coming to him. There is curse on him, that will not be lifted easily. Unless he is fully repented and let the sprits rest. woo be to those who don't respect their ancestor, especially when they can are gone. woo to those who don't let sprits rest in peace. Read Obama's book, and the revelation about his father and how he came to forgive and honor him. He could as easily could play victim, but he chose a different path. Norman can get all the accolade he want from fools, but sooner or later African spirits will catch-up to him. They always do! BTW – some of the
Abarhe Belew
Are you for real Abraha? You might want to clarify which African country you are talking about. In Ethiopia, respecting elders regardless of their character or deed is not what you describing. Lemn, the Ethiopia I grew up in believes in truth and forgiveness. Tell your truth and no one should dare to ask you to forgive- that is between you and your conscience or creator.
Mihret
You are correct. It is between me and my conscience creator.
Lemn a victim? So far from it! He is a teriffic poet and playwright, telling the story of his personal journey is only a part of what he does, if it were all he did he wouldn't have the career he has as a successful writer, he is not the man you wish to paint him as nor will he ever be so why don't you go and spook somewhere else? If as you say ancestor spirits seek retirbution then why not let them get on with it, they surely don't need your help do they?
Lemn has talent, dedication and intergrity in abundance, his spirit is bright, a beacon to others, I get the feeling it's this that bothers you more than anything. I enjoy reading Lemn's blogs because his voice is unique and inspiring, his insights refreshing and thought provoking, now I that I know he is baited by individuals such as yourself I have even more respect for him.
As for the comments regarding respect for elders and ancestors I disagree and think that by intoning these phrases you wish to stifle or silence the voice of someone living by according a dead person more respect than their living descendent, that is just skewed thinking hiding behind tradition. Are all traditions good and worthy of respect? Are all elders? No would be my answer, we each deserve respect up to a point, and not just because of age. The elderly can be a source of wisdom, with great senses of humour and wamth for others, they can also be vindictive, sad old fools, people are people and respect is due according to how we each approach life and our time here together.
Intelligence, consciousness are what matters, being sensative and courageous enough to follow our individual consciousness even when this means going against the tide. Respect where respect is due.
FYI, 'why' (name given by his loving mother) probably has never been criticized, as every one he surrounds with is afraid not to offend him, because every one is worried for his sympathy seeking fragileness. If one has to guess, you are a latte drinking European liberal, who romanticize what real African's troubled life is about. Who doesn't even know how to begin to understand what ancestral pride means. We maynot have much in Africa but we got our pride and respect for our elders. And you may think 'why' is perfect example of African poet, but what he is is a fraud. Before you jump into any conclusion, you must ask why would any one feel this way towards him? He is fuzzy happy go lucky clown everyone should like him. Are they just hateful for the sake of it? Or is there something there? You think you know him from his post, but you probably don't. He is a phony clown masking who he is with sob story. Me I despise disgracefull clowns like him. He lives on pleasing folk like you, people who never know how to decipher the truth. . He is ready to sale his soul for any price – as long as it brings fame and fortune. What he is is a clown – if you notice he likes to grin a lot – typical clown. Folks like that are referred to house negro. They are good at making other laugh & know how to make them feel good. You probably don't know any real Africans so what I am saying to you will not make sense. Just make an attempt to understand the whole truth before making comments as you did above. Best you give benefit of doubt to all sides then understand then comment. How you know 'Why' is a selfish hore is by his about BC and the places he traveled, as BC are expert using selfish clowns with no conscious for their end. But a whore doesn't care as long as she gets the money.
Once character is determined by once respect to the elders and ancestors. Stop insulting African's on African soil. One who doesn't respect elders and ancestors has no soul, and is a phony . Stop defending phonys.
Endatlekw
What can be said when your mind is so shuttered in? Barricaded behind opinions you lob insults, how can such a retarded mentality grapple with the real issues here? You react only with ignorance and hurt using deeply offensive phrases and expressions in a casually brutal attempt to denigrate, to de-humanise. When you give such little value to words and to people you cannot claim to care for notions such as pride.
You say Lemn is offending Africans on African soil and you ask that I give the benefit of doubt to all sides to try to understand before commenting. Is this what you have done? Have you even seen his play?
Being African or European is not the point, you'd like it to be because you want ownership of the situation to say you have the moral high ground when you're actually occupying a shaky little ledge, strangely tragically you seem to feel safe there I feel sorry for you. When I read your response I hear only reacitve thought, in your bigotted response you make all kinds of sweeping assumptions and generalisations then justify this with wounded African pride, please remind me, who's playing the vicitm here?
What can be said when your mind is so shuttered in? Barricaded behind opinions you lob insults out how can such a retarded mentality grapple with the real issues here? You react only with ignorance and hurt using deeply offensive phrases and expressions in a casually brutal attempt to denigrate, to de-humanise. When you give such little value to words and to people you cannot claim to care for notions such as pride.
You say Lemn is offending Africans on African soil and you ask that I give the benefit of doubt to all sides to try to understand before commenting. Is this what you have done? Have you even seen his play?
Being African or European is not the point, you'd like it to be because you want ownership of the situation to say you have the moral high ground when you're actually occupying a shaky little ledge, strangely, tragically you seem to feel safe there I feel sorry for you.
I hear only reacitve thought in your bigotted response you make all kinds of sweeping assumptions and generalisations then justify this with wounded African pride, please remind me, who's playing the vicitm here?
Coming from some atheist society you wouldn't know the first thing about the sprites & ancestors. Save your phony indignation and your sanctimony to yourself. You may enjoy a clown juggling skills on Barnum and bailey circus, would you vow for its character. The answer is no, You don't know what is in one's heart unless you know them for extended period. When you mix your 'gig' with your life, and selectively use demagogy inorder to fit to make your narrative interesting. When you don't have full proof other than your gut feeling. When you don't give a damn about the impact of your assertions on other, as long as it servers your needs. Then one must be held accountable. And one wiill be! Spirits wouldn't rest at peac otherwise. So save your lecture to yourself Ms chaden. Not all African's are idiots. This posting is to make a point and expose a phony, selfs serving, pound chasing clowns – like 'why' ( incidentally, 'why' as in “why does this have to happen to me” the name chosen by his loving mother. Who decide to promptly continue her studies while her son is in some one's care (un african behaviour)…
Belew
norman , norman
Mr. Y why don't you stop telling lies infront of the whole world.
i llike belew , endatlkew, they are telling the truth, guys open your mind, he is playing you , try to learn about the other side , yes i rade his false story.
Asade , belwe
I love this festival. Last year there were some people who made some boat donations during. They made happy a lot of poor people who needed that money.
Really appreciate this post. It’s hard to sort the good from the bad sometimes, but I think you’ve nailed it!
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