I received this message today on my blog about Oaklands Children’s Home. In light of the recent revelations in Wales should he take the case further and if so how? What would you advise? Your response will be greatly appreciated.
“Since the growing evidence of historic child abuse in residential homes becomes apparent, I feel a need to contribute in some way. I too was abused in a children’s home, Oaklands in Droitwich near Worcester. until I was adopted at age seven. this abuse lasted for a few years from I suppose as far back as i can remember, age 4 I expect, until about age 6 or 7. A few years ago I got involved in a documentary with the BBC as i was trying to trace my natural mother. I had been abandoned at age approx 3 weeks.
Its very odd, the BBC had contacted some ex staff members who agreed to meet me. One of them said to me, “What are you going to say about the home? Your not going to say anything bad about it are you? About what happened?” At the time i was taken aback, here was someone who knew. I just said no, nothing like that, it’s just a chat about the home.
The strangest thing is, I never rem
embered any party, or birthday, or Christmas. I did remember what was done though. It’s affected me more than anyone could imagine, even myself. Very sad. I do ponder if I should report it, to see if others need help, to see an end to this, to make sure children are given the love and care they need, not just a place to be because no-one wants them and the state has a duty of care. People working in these environments need the right values at heart. Well, I said more than I meant! Just wanted to mention it.”
The message can be found in the comments on a blog. The term “Historic abuse” is a misnomer. Abuse is in the cause and effect of an action. To say “Historic abuse” is to presume both cause and effect are in the past.
Whoever contacted you about Oaklands home should take it further. It is abuse. It is a criminal offence. It can be prosecuted . This persons account can be part of a bigger picture, corroborate other accounts or be corroborated by other accounts too. Whilst there is no certainty of any succesful prosecution,by not telling about the abuse what is certain is that the account of this persons abuse, will go unknown and unheard about. If this person is emotionally able to begin this process, then do it ~ look at the prosecution of Stuart Hall, he denied it all and has now pleaded guilty. hope this helps with a huge step to be taken ~ sending light x
Thanks Liz for your sure and clear reply.
Abuse like Bullying should never be tolerated. The pain and scars won’t heal when covered. The story must be told so freedom will come forth.
Thanks Gigi, I agree.
It seems that, in many cases of child abuse, the truth takes time to emerge, .
That is, to me, the nature of the crime. As children, we dont understand the full implications of what is happening, it is only later, as adults, can we fully understand the full picture. So, I believe it is important to report a case, even if it is years after it happened. It should be on the record. However, I feel it is also important that the person making the report should have exactly the right support, as it evokes many thoughts and emotions that can be difficult to handle.
Not only do we owe it ourselves to put the record straight, we owe it to others who have experienced similar assaults, that they can be encouraged to speak out and not feel that they were the only one.
I think it is better to speak out than not. But find someone who will be there for you.
Aged eight, I was sexually assaulted by my best friends dad. Afraid of him being taken from her, and unsure that I would be believed, I kept quiet until I was older. It was then that I found out that I may not have been the only one. I am only saying this to illustrate the difficult position children see themselves in when things like this happen.
We must report these crimes. We must.
Kathy thanks for being so open here in light of the truth. I will speak to him. I will ask him to report it.
For some reason this person felt that they could open up to you. This gives you a kind of odd responsibility and decisions to make. If it were me, I would tell them I was glad they had opened up to me and wonder if doing that made them feel strong enough to open up to someone closer to them or to a ccounsellor. If so, they should start the process of telling someone so they can work towards dealing with what happened.
Thanks Lucie. Good call. I agree.
You’ve had such wise and clear comments already, and my feeling on this is the same. This person is being prompted by an inner urge to bring the truth to light, seeking support to help them do that, and it seems the time may be right now, for them to share their experience in ways that might help others, and help themselves to deal with it in the best way possible for their own well-being also. I wish them well.
Kind words Imelda. Important words. Thanks.
Hello, Lemn. Good comments here so I won’t reiterate what has already been said.
What you say about the term “historic abuse” is spot-on; it gives the impression that the abuse is way, way back in the past, sealed off, completely irrelevant. For the victims, it is never sealed off and irrelevant.
Cheers Sheila
I have personal experience of this from my childhood a longtime ago. The person concerned is now dead. The effect it has had on me is everlasting and I believe that I am still dealing with it. Whenever such stories make the headlines it all comes back. What I have learned is that one should never take on any of the blame and one should always be kind to oneself.
Those who are kind to themselves can be truly kind to others. As you are. Thanks Farah.
You are all amazing. I wish you all the best of everything. You are all making a difference, helping put an end to a really tragic and sickning conduct. The people who do such things are the lowest of the low. They do not deserve any empathy, sympathy..they really have no rights to call themselves humanbeings, do they?! And whats even more disguesting is that the innocent individuals(children) are made to feel as if they did something wrong!! Whose logiv is that then?! Its upside down and back to front! Many people need to wake up and smell the coffee..DO NOT MESS WITH CHILDREN…ITS WRONG ON ALL ACCOUNTS. I wish you all in this comment thread the best. Good evening.
Before this person discloses they should make sure that they have some kind of emotional support to get them through the sometimes negative responses to disclosure
I agree.AND THANKS
I would ask if they want to make a formal complaint directly (to Operation Yewtree) or if they want help with this. Whilst Operation Yewtree is primarily about Savile they should support and direct people to the right support. The Local Authority where Oaklands is should also have a duty to investigate past abuse. Hope this helps.
It’s difficult to explain the warm glow I feel when I read these comments. It makes me ponder the ultimate dilemma, to report it, striding forward with sword and shield, smiting darkness and bringing Light, strong because your comments and support give strength. But then to embrace that which I have lived with all these years, the horror and the pain, the part of my mind which has closed itself to protect me all these years. Not an easy task and one which any who have suffered will recognise.
I know I will now move forward with this advice given me, I will report it and see how I can contribute to a better future for children cast adrift.
I will look at NAPAC as Jennifer suggested and I would like to thank you Lemn for your guidance which moved me to reply in the first instance, and provided me with the fortitude to to consider what I need to do.
Thank you, Rob
I initially wondered what could possibly be the source of internal conflict when coming clean about abuse. Then, I read all of the wonderful comments, and I understand much, much better. I certainly hope that he is able to overcome his inner turmoil .
Sometimes silence equals complicity, but I completely understand if he is uncomfortable coming forth. However, something to think about: if he is not open and honest about it, he allows others to ‘inherit’ the same demons. Jerry Sandusky raped boys for 20 years before anyone came forward… The result: hundreds of broken hearts and spirits, but had someone came forward sooner, how many boys could have been protected?
I only hope that this person comes to understand that once he openly tells his story, prevents future abuses, and empowers his fellow survivors, he goes from victim to vainquisher…
found this! – https://www.nspcc.org.uk/Applications/Forms/HelplineConcern/the-helpline-online-form.aspx
0800 389 6176.
Speaking from current experience I have to warn you that the system is lazy, corrupt and full of incompetent people who can’t be bothered to investigate anything properly or take children seriously – so as an articulate adult you can really help children in a similar situation to you by doing this as well as get some closure for you and other children who may have been affected where you were by similar abuse – and now there are some people who are prepared to listen. (cf above)
I wish you justice.
Thanks Alex.
I’m 54 years old I’m am still dealing with the after effects of abuse in a children home from 2 boys who lived there as well. Not only dealing with that the Housemother who ran the place was very abusive physically,mentality and emotionally. I’m a self harmer and tried to end my life on a few occasions. And what help do you get, Tablets
Rachael I am sorry to hear this. I really am.