One hundred days of Solipsism.

It’s December 7th 2019,  exactly 100 days since the launch of My Name Is Why  at The Edinburgh Book Festival.  I have just arrived at  Heathrow Airport from a few days filming and performing in Ethiopia.  My phone pings  “Welcome home” a text from Lara, my assistant,  “Don’t forget the interview tomorrow”.   As I walk through the terminal I feel the darkness. I slouch in the taxi as David Bowie and Bing Crosby lament The Little Drummer Boy  “Bah rumpa pump pum” .  The game’s up.   Christmas is coming.  I’m due a crash.  

Director John O’Rouke Filming on Mount Entoto overlooking Addis Ababa at dawn.

Since publication day in Scotland it has been a non-stop speedway and I have loved every single minute of it.  My email inbox, twitter DM’s, Facebook and instagram messages are  a tidal wave of love and kindness. “Come to our house for Christmas” said one “Stay with our family” said another. I’ve met some incredible people like the young  woman in a  book-signing queue (blackwells in Oxford) with tubes protruding from her nose.  Breathing heavily between words she said    “I am….. waiting… for a…. new lung… but I checked…. myself out… to be here”.  Bless her.

An audience in Addis

My Name Is Why reached Number One in The Sunday Times Bestseller list. Number one!? I thought I was doing good, being Lemn Sissay, being my authentic self,  but I was moonwalking. It  looked like I was going forward when  actually I was going backwards.

The taxi driver is talkative.  Too talkative.  I’m not aware of what he is saying and I am not even sure he is.  He is outside of the taxi knocking on the window “are you okay. Are you okay”   He’s driving too. We are  bouncing down the dual carriageway. West to East.  I’m shattered.  Where are the family I searched for? Who are the family I searched for?  Who am I? Was this all worth it? Any of it?   I implode and explode. I’ve shattered into thousands of splinters splaying outwards in a fan of mirrored shards in all directions. Ridiculous. True. Ridiculous. True. Every reflection is laughing back at me.

I still have no next of kin on my passport. ffs. I leaf through the tatooed paper in the cab and throw it into my bag.  All the theory of how to institutionally annihilate a human  is in my story. Front and centre.   But it isn’t a story.  Christmas is coming.  It’s true.  I live with the consequences.  This isn’t news to me. This happened. And it’s happening now.   I arrive at my London apartment, close the door behind me, and make a deal. I can’t go out. I won’t go out.   I must count what I have not got. Like a miser.   I can’t talk to anyone.  Except on the phone.   I can’t see anyone.

And that was my Christmas.

176 thoughts on “One hundred days of Solipsism.

    • I wrote this after I saw you at the Bernie Grant Center… am sending this now … your blog got to me.
      “You may be the secret of that one family in Ethiopia. We can not, even as a collective, ease that pain but we want you to know we are more than thrilled, elated to have that ‘obnoxious’ child on the world stage. But as you said you were not naughty at all.

      You are so eloquent, we just can’t stop feeling proud of you.

      Yes you are not defined by your past at all, we love you beyond your imagination, we hang around your tweeter page to read your morning poems. We listen to all the podcasts you’ve been on. For me, Desert Island discs is still the one that gets me. You sounded down on the ‘How to fail’. I thought maybe you were tired because I saw how tired you were at the Bernie Grant center.”

      Lemn, ‘Change is gonna come’ by TTD

      ❤️ from

  1. Oh my word, I am not eloquent like you, I find a written response to what you have written, and I have just read, impossible. Instead I send you loving thoughts and healing wishes ❤️

  2. Always welcome here by the sea in North Wales, I’m from Wigan too! (Don’t know if you’ll think that is a good thing or bad)

  3. Oh my God Lemn I have just read your blog & I am crying & so so sorry you had such a bad crash. Christmas is always very difficult for me & I have a family. I hope you are getting through it & or are getting help. Please don’t suffer alone unless you know what is best for you from past experience.

  4. Lemn, always sending you lots of healing lights! it will get better just keep going toward the direction of it – the pain, don’t run away…. feel it… you are your own healer…. thank you for your openness and allowing us to see our own pain and run and listen to it… some of us do relate to you not as a child from care home but your confusion as a result of a complicated mother love… our culture ( habesha) as beautiful it is, it can be very confusing too… through all your talks few of us are/were connecting that part of ‘pain’…
    May the next part of healing be kind and easy on you brother!

  5. Your warmth is shining through the darkness. “I’m hanging on. I’m hanging on” . Your words . Keep warm and eat good things x

  6. Thank you for sharing your darkness. I hope it heals you as it does your readers. For me, it frees me to be and embrace the good, the bad and the confusing. Thank You and May you be happy more days than not.
    Harm Hugs

  7. I’m sorry you went down with a crash, and it a You need some time time off, those 100 days must.have taken great reserves.of energy to get through. I hope you are coming back up now but will be able to take time for you to rest and find balance often. xx

  8. I am so sorry to hear this. But not so surprised.
    What you feel is what makes you and (paraphrasing) you are a part of all you’ve met.
    Hope you feel better and some bounce comes back.
    With love and please drop in to MIB one day,

  9. I have missed you, wondered what was happening, now I know.
    I’d be more than happy, as weird as this sounds, to be your adopted next of kin for your passport. Just saying!
    Sendjng love n hugs, and yes, the dark needs sharing too xxxx

  10. Christmas is a tough time; I’m so glad you are out the other side and talking. Keep talking Lemn, it’s the only way. Love and light x

  11. Please feel the cushion of love of millions of people who have been touched by you, the injustices you have faced and the plight of so many others you have revealed.

  12. As ever your words convey the truth so wonderfully, but so painfully, so hard to read. Your writing is brilliant. Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself. Take care and have some rest and refreshment ( for body and heart) .

  13. I must count what I have not got. Like a miser.

    You should be a poet.

    I was counting over Christmas too, Ebenezer Scrooge style.

    Your ghosts visit and those bastards are real and that’s why Scrooge dances on Christmas morning, not because it was all a dream but because it wasn’t. Real living is talking to the ghosts, they’re real, they hurt like f**k. Count then dance, count then dance…

    Namaste Lemn

  14. What an amazing human being you are. I am sorry that the journey is slow and laborious. Sometimes life is just plain shitty but something inside us pushes us forward into a hopeful place. I hope that you find that soon. Keep being your authentic self and we will continue to be your listening friends, cheering you on, telling our friends to find your work and saying to you, keep it up you are not journeying alone and you are marvellous.

  15. Sharing is good. It places some light into the darkness and make it a bearable shade of grey. Like the previous commenter, I’m happy to be a (surrogate) next of kin. Reach out x

  16. I’ve never met you personally but I feel I know you. Your work is incredible, I first encountered it when I was part of a creative journey group of quilters in Edinburgh and we used one of your poems as our inspiration source for our quilted wall art. Your words moved me so much, you have such insight and an incredible gift. I am so sorry that Christmas has been so difficult for you, I can’t even begin to imagine how that felt but like others, I would want to reach out and say you are not alone, you matter, and there are many people, myself included, who would be happy to call you kin. Bless you, Lemn, I hope you feel better, the world is a better place for your presence. Don’t ever forget that.

  17. Lemn, I wonder if you know how common this is. Christmas expectations are unrealistic for everyone. I dread it. I really thank you for your honesty, let’s stop this pretence that our lives are perfect, it knocks on negatively to those who can’t pretend. And it’s good to just accept that how it is, is how it is, and it’s not a reflection of the amount you are loved, and you are not alone in this experience. The media are major perpetrators of defining how life should be, and it never is.

  18. Dear Lemn, I too missed you and wondered how you were. Now I know and can understand. Take care of yourself, you have had a turbulent spell, let’s hope that calmer weather is on the way? As others have said, you are in our thoughts and hearts. That radiant smile will come shining through once more. Hx

  19. Lemn you are raising so much awareness and share so much light but yes the dark needs sharing too. Take good care of yourself x

  20. I know some of this feeling. Sending you much love. I am so often grateful for your posts. Thank you for all that you do.

  21. “Summer was like your house: you know
    where each thing stood.
    Now you must go out into your heart
    as onto a vast plain.” Take care. x

  22. Dearest Lemn,
    It’s harder to be angry at the dead. But there’s a finality which we never experience fully when people are alive but not participating.
    My wish to rewrite my story from my losses still exists. It’s most vivid current manifestation is memory loss….. You understand the toll of reliving the losses …. so exhausting.

    All the lovely loving caring volunteers above probably feel just as protective and mothering towards you as I do. So I volunteer as well …. but that’s not really the point is it?

    The sun is shining outside…. you can still listen to Aretha and the Blues…. and yes the darkness is always there too
    Love, love
    Anette (extra Nana)

    • It is harder to be angry at the dead. True. But it is really easy to beangry at the living. My angry involves a miserly
      self centredness. It involves an utter lack of gratitude. I am full of gratitude and forgiveness but besides my own
      best intentions sometimes I find that I haven’t anything left in the tank! Ha. I feel so much better on writing the blog and hearing the response. Writing the blog is like leaving a message at the door of a dark room while opening the door to the light. y the time I hve written I know I am on the road to recovery. Whoop whoop.

  23. Thank you for having the bravery to write your truth. In a world of polished and edited internet lives it’s easy, for some, to forget the importance of this truth. Sending love.

  24. My goodness, Lemn, you are such a remarkable human being and it saddens me so much to hear of your on-going struggles. It is impossible to put myself in your shoes and I can only begin to imagine your underlying suffering, waiting to ambush you. I send you huge hugs and hope your dark days are few.

  25. Aw, that made me sad for you, also sending smiles, cyber hugs, love and kindness your way, with the rest of the millions of people who think you’re ace! Good to share, to be real and to be open…now get writing, i like your daily poems. x

      • Lemn thank you – as ever gathering these words of pain, hope & healing.

        Heart ached to read of your Christmas crash – Reminded me of Winnicott talking of Hide & Seek – the joy of hiding but disaster if we aren’t found..I’m guessing as treasured as it is, no amount of love & admiration from the wider world matches the ache for your family to open their arms & hearts – and little meaningful help knowing it’s their wounds that prevent that. Sending you companionship in the darkness while you wait to be found.

  26. A really heart breaking account of the life long impact of careless & poorly considered decisions by social workers & others when you were tiny.
    In some ways your family is huge. To many young people in care, to care leavers and lots of us who work with children in care, you feel like a brother, a father, a son.
    Maybe you feel connected like that sometimes. But we’re not there at Christmas and we’re not on your passport.
    I am sorry it isn’t better for you. But thank you for your book and your work x

  27. Sending you love and caring thoughts Lemn, hope you will soon feel renewed and the dark days of winter will be behind you. You give so much of yourself to others, please be kind to yourself too.

  28. Lemn, so sorry to hear you are suffering right now. Glad you decided to share with us. I am sending vibes to you, they are vibes of hope. You are so so special. You give out so much. I hope right now you are able to take some of that back in. X

  29. Breathing for you, and for all who feel the crash and the crush, who get lost in time and between time. Thank you for doing what you do with such mastery–putting words to the inner landscape.

    When I read one of your poems to my students last semester (a US high school), one of my students, who is Ethiopian, sat there grinning widely.

    “Do you know who this is?” I asked her.

    “Of course,” she said.

    Of course.

    Wishing you good breathing.

    • THANKYOU. This makes me happy. It has been an amazing journey for that student to know my name and equally for you to have read that poem. The two worlds of my life – poetry and ethiopia – came together in your voice and that students smile. Thankyou.

      • I just got word last week, after I wrote that, that another Ethiopian student from that same class won a Gold Key in a regional poetry contest for her own poem about Ethiopia. There are strands in the web of the world that connect us all in intricate ways, synchronicities that weave through our lives in ways I cannot articulate, but only sit back with wonder and appreciate.

        Love and hope to you.

  30. Lemn … you have been through so much …. and survived but surviving is sometimes crawling on our hands and knees, the healing road from childhood wounds can be a long hard one … kindness and tenderness for self is so
    Important … I read your book and wept for you .. that awesome little boy you were .. and the cruelty you endured … each step along the healing road moves through surviving to thriving … and I sense you know instinctively what to do when you crash …. descend .. the dark .. the shadow … I wish for you to have some tender loving soft enveloping dark to hold you safe until you venture out again …. you are welcome to
    Be in my tribe … I live in the highlands of Scotland .. Findhorn…. It’s a magnificent place check out the Findhorn Foundation … if you would like some rest and soul nourishment you are welcome anytime …. gratitude to you for putting it out there … speaking your truth
    I know of and am Connected to Elie Godsi and David Greenwood… there were both instrumental in a dear friend of mine finally getting an historical abuse case to court and compensation
    So he teed me saying hi soul brother … in the words of my favourite singer Leonard Cohen .. ‘ there’s a crack in everything.. that’s where the light gets in’ love love and more love … you are a star a bright shining stars

  31. Lemn you always appear a ray of sunshine and laughter when you are in the public eye. Take care of yourself you have been through so much. But you are an inspiration to many. I lived in the Lowton when you lived up there. You are welcome to my home in Deal anytime for some seaside r and r.

    • When The Troubles pass that’s when the effect of the troubles hits ya. I am getting through. Writing this blog was like leaving a message at the door of a dark room while opening the door to the way out.

  32. Hi Lemn,

    I adore your poetry. Missed you when you came to Australia, because I was in Africa. But … I shall be in Glasgow 27th February for the Resilience event and so looking forward. Australia, post the bushfires, needs some tips!

    Lynne Henderson.

  33. False statement. “No one likes a moaner.”

    Helping and listening to a moaner is profoundly human and often energizing. Recently my moaning to a friend provoked a hilarious joke from her and I laughed so hard my son came in the office to see if I was ok.

    Positive attitudes are great but they’re definitely not the complete human package. From the responses above you could knock on a lot of our doors day or night and we would feed you, joke with you and cry with you.
    Love… your extra Nana whenever you need
    PS sorry can’t rewrite the past…. the hardest losses

    • Here’s to light. I did thefirst morning tweet in months today. It reads

      ‘What are you?’ said darkness
      ‘For I am King no less’
      ‘Above all?’ said sunrise
      ‘I’m just a work in progress.’

  34. I never share the darkness …I feel I cant….as it will burden others. But mostly I cant find the words. You have given me courage to say something about those down and dark days.
    ( hope you like the alliteration)
    I can definitely offer you dinner and my 80 year Jamaican mom would create an amazing meal accompanied by back home tales.
    We are family. I once gave you lift to a school near Croydon where you worked on poems from other cultures with my lovely GCSE lit group. So you see we are family after all.

    • Joanne this is a really good medium to out the darkness. it is not a burden on the reader, I hope, because the reader can just switch off. I thought of telling it as allegory bt I got bored and realised I should just say it as it is. It did take me a while to press send. And Ihve said that I will take it down after 24 hours. I am not sure what to do. Thankyou for your kind words all the same.

      • Any time. Remember mom and I are here in Brum if passing this way . Left the south many years.
        Your workshop was excellent and my pupils got the gcse Lit results ever in the schools history you were part of that. You and I made literature cool and accessible. The kids engaged with a living trendy poet. Keep going. You’re amazing

        • Hahahah thankyou. ANd to think I don’t gointo schools anymore. Thankyou though. My time in workshops upand down the country ws precious. I got a creeping feeling of being a small cog in the giant educational wheel so I opted out. But I DO workshops with
          young people in care or who have left care and it really is fulfilling and led to a Channel Four Documentary called Superkids which took the subject of children in care to the BAFTAs.

  35. I’m the girl you met in Oxford, waiting for new lungs. Sending a hug your way and hoping you have brighter days ahead – be kind to yourself x

  36. Much love and wishing the heavy, soul stealing darkness away again. If only there was a strong enough lock to confine it away for ever! Xx

  37. Strangely it’s a relief when reading your honesty about the difficult and dark side of things. I’m sorry it’s embedded in your life, that you have it to contend with, but appreciate your candour. Thank you Lemn. May you have increasing light and joys.

  38. Hey Lem, WE are your family. We that missed you and wanted to believe that you’d be having a ball away from us all. And I’m no stranger to the darkness. But that darkness doesn’t define you – Whereas your brilliance does. Reading around your sentences I hear exhaustion. And I can’t overlook that you’re coming back to Britain during difficult days. Dats where good people are seeing crazy divisions that we left behind on the 1970’s and that (to me) doesn’t feel so great right now either. All that sunshine on your warm bones for those months away & boom, back to cold & grey dark days without bright lights and fresh hope to come home to. Exhaustion sneaks up on you Lem. And if tiredness doesn’t floor you, bacteria does (when we all swap hugs & get crammed into trains & trams like livestock) But I for one am glad that you’re back, very glad to read this post. Honestly hopeful that the bright lights of February will make you feel whole & replenished again? I look forward to seeing those words tumbling from your lips again Lem. Feeling them, living them; dancing to them in the queue for coffee between stations. At times the rhythm of your life feeds us all. So I’m sending you love & more light to let you know that whatever the darkness has done to you…. Brighter times are due to you & you’ve absolutely got this; once your racehorse is properly rested & you feel like nuking that pause button again. We’ve missed you & I’m gloriously glad about that, this morning Jx

    • A friend quoted Yeats to me and it rings true in the responses and to the friends I ignore “Think where man’s glory most begins and ends, and say my glory was I had such friends.”

  39. The Darkness will always be with you, be part of you, like the scars: but the Light will shine through, your ability to heal. Healing is not forgetting, but overcoming. But sometimes you need to rest and let the Darkness have its place.

    Take care Lemn.

  40. Quite simply, you’re an inspiration, an authentic and brave person! In a world that is increasingly flooded by lies, half-truths, the fake and the imposters, you have had the courage to share your raw true self which sets an example that we all need to be more open, honest, and congruent in sharing our experiences and giving them the recognition they deserve. I’m humbled and in awe that you leveraged your hurt and pain and used it to as a force for good. You have shined a spotlight on the UK care system, highlighting the irony that a child can be removed from one abusive situation, only to be placed into another. Thanks for sharing your story.

    • Simone Thankyou. I have to thank every single person who has been kind enough to respond. The wisdom of your response and others
      has lifted me. I feel lifted after puttig up this post. Thankyou

  41. Good to share your feelings you already heared from many people how great you are but may not feel it today. I lived most of my life in the UK so l understand your celebrity status detaches you from who you are and what your values and priorities are. Take a long break Come to Ethiopia where you are the pride of a nation a loved son and brother. Stay as private Ethiopian citizen away from media. I know you came few months ego but it was for launching a book. Come this time just to recharge. Sit amongest ordinary smiling people who look only at the bright side of life despite daily troubles. Just sit by road side cafes and observe and talk to people. As creative person l am sure you observe much deeper than us. They give you such love for simple things in life and coping strategies which will last for life time.Everyone of us face such dark days they help us to sit and count the many blessings we have in life. You are much loved admired and appriciated.
    Your workload is insane. slow down to have time for meaning full relationships/friendship look after yourself
    I will be delighted to host you here in Ethiopia

  42. Dear Lemn,
    I am sorry to read of your crash around the dark times of the UK year. But you are allowed to and it’s ok to especially when that strong survival instinct you carry through your life kicks in and you keep that door open with your blog. You are loved by those who know you personally and those who know you through your writings and visibility. You are kind to so many be kind to yourself too.
    Wishing you better days ahead and lovely to se e the morning poem appearing again.

  43. Lemn don’t be so tough on yourself and you already know this : family is who you choose not what is taken away from you or given to you by birth. So you decide who is your best contact/ next of kin and tell them before the SYSTEM decides for you. Maybe notify your solicitors so you are then covered in your will and this should then cover you going forward for any eventuality. Your a pretty smart bloke so you can sort these things out, take control and give yourself some time and take the same advice you’d give other care leavers…. inner child and all that be your own parent coz thats what lots of us have had to do. You’re not alone, the worlds full of lots of survivors and sometimes we have to be alone, shut the world out 2 figure it out and keep re-healing. Much love xx

  44. Lemn know you’re taking this down… but as you say the dark needs be there along with the light… trouble is when the dark creeps in or crashes in its hard… my goodness you work hard to hold at bay and bring light to your own and others lives….
    Just realising the significance of all you night to day ryhymes…
    That family thing…and belonging are MASSIVE…to feel you belong to everyone and no-one at same time it sounds…
    However you are loveable and have always been…. you did have family and they were prevented from being there to love you…. for whatever messed up reasons those who were tasked to care for you cared for themselves…
    Your time is here to catch up on all that you have deserved but it’s still a tough one to believe and to feel… holding the possibility for you Lemn..holding the light in with the dark xxxxx

  45. Hello Lemn,
    I just wanted to say that your inner strength and way with words has led to you being able to shine light on some of what the kids in our care system have to struggle with everyday, a topic which most of us who come from happy childhood homes rarely have given thought to. Thank you for bringing it to our attention. I hope you feel very proud of what you’ve achieved so far. And on a lighter note, the smiles you’ve gifted to your fans with your gorgeous poetry…

    “Spray lifts on the coast
    Those who love live
    Those who live love the most
    And most of all forgive”

    Ps. You’d be more than welcome to join us in italy for Christmas.

    Take care and chin up

    • What a blessing. And a kind thing to say. I love those four lines too. It feels like a coincidence that they are mine.
      Even though you know they are. Poetry is coincidence in the best way.

  46. I saw you at the South Bank Centre and you talked about being in the present which includes the darkness as well as the light. Whenever I feel down, I think about hearing you on Desert Island Discs and how much you have already overcome. As the priest in Fleabag said: “This will pass”

  47. I feel for you Lemn I know what is like feeling lonely. I love this song from George Moustaki, a French poet singer

    For having slept so often
    Pour avoir si souvent dormi
    With my loneliness
    Avec ma solitude
    I almost made a friend of it
    Je m’en suis faite presque une amie
    A sweet habit
    Une douce habitude
    She doesn’t leave me with a step
    Elle ne me quitte pas d’un pas
    Faithful as a shadow
    Fidèle comme une ombre
    She followed me here and there
    Elle m’a suivi çà et là
    To the four corners of the world
    Aux quatres coins du monde
    No i’m never alone
    Non, je ne suis jamais seul
    With my loneliness
    Avec ma solitude
    When she’s in the hollow of my bed
    Quand elle est au creux de mon lit
    It takes up all the space
    Elle prend toute la place
    And we spend long nights
    Et nous passons de longues nuits
    Both face to face
    Tous les deux face à face
    I really don’t know how far
    Je ne sais vraiment pas jusqu’où
    Will this accomplice
    Ira cette complice
    Will I have to taste it
    Faudra-t-il que j’y prenne goût
    Or, should I react?
    Ou, que je réagisse?
    No i’m never alone
    Non, je ne suis jamais seul
    With my loneliness
    Avec ma solitude
    Through her, I learned as much
    Par elle, j’ai autant appris
    That I shed tears
    Que j’ai versé de larmes
    If sometimes I repudiate her
    Si parfois je la répudie
    She never disarms
    Jamais elle ne désarme
    And, if I preferred love
    Et, si je préférais l’amour
    From another courtesan
    D’une autre courtisane
    She will be on my last day
    Elle sera à mon dernier jour
    My last companion
    Ma dernière compagne
    No i’m never alone
    Non, je ne suis jamais seul
    With my loneliness
    Avec ma solitude
    No i’m never alone
    Non, je ne suis jamais seul
    With my loneliness
    Avec ma solitude

  48. I have just finished your book and now I have read your blog. You leave me speechless. When your spirit soars you take us all with you and when you fall back to earth we are still there by your side. Just feel the love you have inspired.❤️

  49. Your story inspires me to be someone who makes a difference. This blog does strike a particular chord though, Christmas is a shit time for so many people. The heightened loneliness, the pressure of expectations, memories captured and engrained because of the date. Give me the light, give me summer and Bah humbug. And I wish you strength to move on from your down now xx

  50. Lemmy, you have a beautiful spirit and give so much of yourself so please let others give to you, kind words, thoughts and deeds. If ever you need a bolt hole by the sea you are always welcome to stay in my humble abode in Brighton. You will step out of the darkness into light and travel around the figure of 8, the highs and the lows but please trust that you will always be held, metaphorically. I believe in the power of prayer and I will hold you in mind in my prayers. You are loved. xxx

  51. Mr. Sissay
    I enjoy and inspired by your writing!
    I can understand how you feel when you look at the emergency contact area, and it is either blank, or you wonder if the person listed will come through in an actual emergency?
    Our Christmas season has a lot in common .too. With highs of professional success, the Holiday season can be an isolated time of the year when you have no immediate family, and other friends and family members are not close.
    I leave you with an affirmation that I use during times when I feel I’m in the world alone. I remember that God loves me and promises me that He will never leave me, and no matter how lonely I feel, I’m not alone. Faith in God/s love and Trust in God that my tomorrow will not be like today because all things for work for the good for everyone who loves and are loved by God.
    Please remember that God loves you and you have people around the world praying for you. You are NOT alone.
    Perhaps our path will cross.

  52. Hi Lemn, looks like my last comment didn’t get moderated… was it the swearing or the clumsy Scrooge metaphor?!

    I’m so happy you posted this and that the responses have buoyed you.


  53. Thank you for keeping this post up. It’s frank and it’s real. What an incredible six months you have had, what an incredible impact your story and your book have had. You give so much of yourself live, pouring yourself out on stage – such that I have never witnessed before. For that I am grateful. Be kind to yourself, Lemn. Take time and take care. You are loved x

  54. Hello Lemn,
    I have contacted you before and hope you are feeling better. You could not have more people from all over the world wishing you well.
    I was brought up on Marsh’s farm and know your first friend you mention in your book, very well .
    I wonder if you are still in contact with him.
    If not and you both want to, I could help with this for you.
    Much love
    nee Marsh

    • You were brought up on Marsh’s farm! I didn’t know Mr and Mrs Marsh had children. So you know Peter Libbey.
      Mr Marsh was very kind to us from Woodfields Childrens Home. I realise this in retrospect. He employed us
      every summer to bail the hay. It is a magical memory which I hold dear. Yes I am still in sporadic contact
      with Peter. He is on facebook. Recently I had a film made about my life and Peter is in it.
      All the best Lemn

  55. Lemn,

    Thanks for sharing the great times and the dark times.

    I hear you brother. My heart weeps for you Lemn, though this is in the past… and I cry out to the One who brought me out of darkness into His wonderful light when He searched for me and I met Him. Not in the religion of my fathers but in relationship with Him, the only true God. He gave me life, paid for by his blood and I daily find life in Him, His words my counselors, daily lighting my path. He put me in forever family and with iron-clad promises to be as close as the mention of His name and the beating of my heart-for my journey on earth. I share with you, my story in short of my rescuer, the lover of my soul, my crutch, my glory, my hiding place, the shepherd of my soul… and much, much more-Jesus Christ. He searched for me, I met Him, He changed me.

    I am not a preacher but a pauper who found a feast and compelled to share the bounty with all…

    In Christ’s own words: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

    I Love you.

      • You are welcome.

        If truth be told we ALL have dark days.

        I either get very busy with things to do or numb the pain through entertainment and calories…but when I do turn to Christ, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, I always go thorough victorious. Sometimes my prayer is just “JESUS!!!!!!!!!!” He never fails.

        Thanks again.

  56. You are welcome. If we were all honest about it, we ALL have dark days and have different ways of coping.

    I do many things that don’t help but keep me busy to numb the pain…but once I turn to Jesus, a Man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, I do go through; He has never failed. Sometimes it is just a one word prayer, “JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.

    your sis,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *