“welcome to th.. one fif.. virgi.. tr.. to …ster w.. will be .arr.. a.. Eust.. …ease ..ave.. tic…s ready for ins..ect..tion”. Virgin rail's on board tanoid announcements are rubbish except for “ladies and gentlemen this is your on board.. shop…”. when they are selling to a captive audience “we have a selection of drinks and sandwiches ” and even then they show their indifference to customer relations “We no longer accepts credit or debit cards. ” and just to show how little they think of us “ladies and gentlemen there is no change on the on board shop. Please bring correct change”.

Nice. I got three hours sleep last night. I am averaging four due to oxygen overload. so I am in the quiet coach for a bit of shut eye and slip easily into sleep only to be woken by “Any rubbish, newspapers empty bottles….Any rubbish newspapers empty bottles” from a man who walks the aisle like quasi modo of Notre Dame swiping anything he deems rubbish dragging a black bin bag, his metaphorical hump, behind him. “Any rubbish newspapers empty bottles. ”.

I return to deep sleep as his lament fades through the next carriage. But there's no opportunity for quiet. Then the ticket inspector arrives. “Good Afternoon” she says as she clips each ticket “Good Afternoon”. Her name badge reveals she is Esmerelda. There's a tonal music to “good Afternoon..” . It's self medicating. I imagine limping quasi modo praying and wishing he meet Esmeralda mid aisle. “Any Rubbish newspapers empty bottles” he says with a tear in his eye in Coach F. “Good Afternoon” she says in coach B.

I am travelling to Manchester to the Texting Obama Conference where I will read poetry to an audience. As I try to sleep one final time the tanoid bursts into life. “ Lad.. an.. gent.. w… shor.. arr.. a… manch.. picc.. …afe ..ourney” Oh fu… o…f.